Lil' Rush Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. I say, that's not at all bad. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. There'sa surprise for you. Frou-Frou neighs. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. But we've got to hurry. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Something horrible is happening. Look, Frou-Frou. Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! I-- I couldnever leave her. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? [Grunting]. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! SMASH FLIX. Release date So they're all f***ing each other right. Steady, girl. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Have some. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. (2x). [Shrieking] What's going on?! [1] It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously bill themselves as "The Aristocrats". The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Woody: Alright. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. Oh! O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! [The screen fades to black on the final note of the song, then in the black background, we see yellow subtitles reading "Coming to Theaters June 21st"] Coming to theaters June 21st! Duchess! Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Uhoh, yes. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! They're in the trunk! O'Malley:Yeah, honey. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. I'm frightfully sorry, sir! I remember that Ifainted. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Oh, no. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Mm. [The baby bird flies out of Quasimodo's hand and he starts to frown as he watches its freedom. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Don't mindif I do. She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. Art treasures,jewels and--. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Robbers! [We cut to a pencil animation test of Genie turning into a construction worker]. Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. You know, I mean, one of those--. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Absolutely. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Good. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. [ Mumbling ]. Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. There's incest. A family walks in to The Aristocats! And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Uh-oh. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. O'Malley: All right, step lively! I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. O'Malley:Yeah. We need a man around the house. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. Naturellement! All Rights reserved. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? They showaristocatic bearing. Whew! [Screaming]Yeow! Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Naturellement! The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Amelia: Oh! And that! Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time Roquefort: Don't come in! Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. Ooh! Next Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? I'm not at home at all. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Just back away from me. Let's hurry. Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. It's "Roquefort". After it! Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. [offscreen]Toulouse? Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. [ Laughing ]. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." I've made the headlines." What a classyneighborhood. Oh! - The "Aristocrats." O'Malley: Three? Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. Huh. [Snarling,Hissing]. Here I come! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. Use your karate chop action! A family walks in to a talent agency. Fine. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Let them in! because in a joke that's what happens. Ah, Georges. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time Scram! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". We're geese. The Aristocrats Joke!!! Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. [Hiccupping]Look. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? Here we go. And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. Look at this! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? Go get him! Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". Something horrible's happening! Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. [offscreen]They're gone. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? I'll be gone. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. When you lift something it better be a cock. Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. Swimming, some of the way. Fisherman's luck. Roquefort:Oh, boy! The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. I've heard the "joke." I just love them. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. I've had all the help I can take. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. Elevators arefor old people. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] Edgar you say? Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Millions. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Alright? A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. You should pronounce my name correctly. You eitherare or you're not. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Struck by lightning. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. You're justher house pets. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Berlioz: Look, guys! Berlioz: [sighs] It's really hard to pronounce your name, man. It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. All right. Roquefort:Duchess! Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Short no. The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. That'll be turning it on. Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! I'll show you a little bit later. Hey! Tsk! (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Aufwiedersehen. [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. And I'm not a man either. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Isn't she, Duchess? It's not fair! The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! Napoleon: No, no. Young cat. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! Run! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Thieves! [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. Heel, roll over, play dead! Toulouse:Yeah. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Hold on, Kyle. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Oh! Napoleon: Wait a minute. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. My complimentsto the chef. Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. His chin isvery weak too. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! Hop aboard the motorcycle. Now, come on. Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. He could have arms like Popeye. I'll be spitting feathers for a week. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. I'll saywhen it's the end. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. a one-wheeled haystack. Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. Berlioz: But he had a mouthlike a "hippolotamus.". Because with usshe never felt alone. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. I do believeyou've been drinking. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. I've got to getthose things back tonight. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. O'Malley:Hey! O'Malley: No, no. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. Are you all right? 17:03. It wasn't a dream, was it? Duchess: Oh, no more, please. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. I thought he'd never leave! Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks Duchess:Because of our owner. Yes! Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. The- this family walks into a talent agency. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. Oh, ooh, ooh! My own penthouse pad. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Mark Elliott: Coming to video. "The Aristocrats Quotes." Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! They're the startof my new foundation. Duchess: Marie, darling. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Ooh, ooh, ooh! He hit me on the head. I'm the leader! Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Where are you? Splendid! Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Gee! That seems to make the whole joke. [ Chuckling ]. Beda Tre. Oops! Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. WebThe joke itself is very simple. Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. They're gone! Duchess: Please, girls. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Hold on. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. You know, your country chateau? The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Duchess: Thomas, Madamewill be so worried. We're on holiday. They get the- towait. Get her! But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." Amelia: Sir. It was my favorite role. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. The real joke is, it's not a And he says, "The Osbournes.". Aristocrats Joke Text. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. WebComedians don't tell jokes. But that's a whole other story. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. O'Malley: "Basted"? Come here, my darlings. O'Malley: Show you the way? Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. [offscreen]Hey! I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! Meee-owww! Very poetic. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. You remember him,of course. Live all the adventure of the movie and more. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! Ooh. Well. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Duchess: Oh! Whoo-whoo! It falls over, shrieking. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Duchess: Marie, darling. [Screaming][Coughing]. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! Just we two. Toulouse: Gee whiz! He's got a very huge wiener. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. 0. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. They'll be gone. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! It's just, "Here we go, "folks. I'm doin' fine! Edgar Balthazar: What the?! "The "Aristocrats. Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. Winnie the Pooh! Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. The Aristocrats. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Now, just a few dunks. Abigail: Yes. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE sporkythespaz. This family, mother, father, four kids. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Which pets are knownto never show their claws? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! Something smells awfully good. Poor Madame. O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" The They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. Oh! Ooh. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. Come on, guys. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. We're on our way to Paris. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? You never miss. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. I like Uncle Waldo. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. Mangy tramps! Prev Dig thesefancy wigwams. What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. I guess youcan't win 'em all. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. You have Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. It looks like a serated sea snake. That was very nice of you. They're gone! The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. These are my children. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Thieves: [singing] Welcome to the Forty Thieves! She loves us very much. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Suchan exciting day. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? We meanfar more to her than that. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. His name is O'Toole. Mama, I'm afraid! It relates the story of a family trying to This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? We're almost home. Look, Georges. I simply wantto make my will. Alright? You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? Have you seen Gallagher? Ooh! WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! No. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. Whew! And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Kittens? Because no one is gonna book this show! Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. We just have togo home tomorrow. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. Duchess:Oh, no, no. Naturellement! [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. The details of the joke change with every telling (and And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. No time to panic the door, o'malley pushes from the other boys joke. 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