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7. Sincerely, the floor. 97. 13. I am awesome. 178. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 81. Bill Murray, 260. Can February march? Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 5. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Bill Murray. Today I will embrace the poop. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Alison Boulter You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 118. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I just go normal from time to time. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Life always offers you a second chance. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Just like every Monday does on Earth. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 101. 25. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. I never apologize. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 21. 78. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Steve Martin, 254. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. I didnt want to interrupt her. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. In between, I am alive., 7. Love your enemies. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. We'll get to that later. 192. 133. 134. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. I dont think thats a coincidence. Erma Bombeck Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Is it perfect? Just like every Monday does on Earth. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. My liver still works. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 267. 22. 13. 122. This is a snap. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 59. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. When life closes a door, just open it again. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Lily Tomlin If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 226. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. - Donald Trump. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Microchips. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Because it was soda pressing. Im like a postage stamp. Sincerely, yourself. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Benjamin Franklin I wish my wallet came with free refills. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 213. 218. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 46. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. I receive what I believe. 119. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 91. Not a peli-cant. 85. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 121. 237. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 187. Today, I am thankful for this week. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Its okay if people dont like me. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 24. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Milton Berle 192. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Pat Sajak They planet. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Charles M. Schulz. Albert Einstein, 190. 3. 54. I am quite fascinating. Only two more days until Friday.". No, but April may. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Look, youre smiling! Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. What is the tallest building in the entire world? - Unknown. 81. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Unknown. Steve Martin 187. 31. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 276. Raimonda.B. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. At night, I cant fall asleep. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Snowballs. 50. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Description for this block. 133. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I see food, and I eat it. Robert Bloch Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. But you can always be immature. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Flip Wilson, 263. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. My body deserves love. I am tough and resilient. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 214. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 103. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Really? 88. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 172. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 39. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I enjoy every minute of it. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Its a door, thats how they work. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. I tried, but they wanted cash. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 72. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 90. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 24. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 41. 8. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. I am lazy till I get a motive. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Milton Berle, 245. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 110. 222. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 16. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I'm doing great. Art doesnt transform. 141. 56. Sincerely, yourself. - F. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. So, why not team them up? 42. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 156. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. I release all shame about my body. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 165. 39 funny positive affirmations. 273. 36. Good morning! "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 45. How do you count cows? Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 249. It takes so little to change your life! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 106. 2. 272. 73. 233. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Confidence makes me powerful. Batwoman: single. 223. 193. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". - Bob Hope. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. It will warm you twice unknown. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 158. 22. Albert Einstein 132. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Cry a river. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. It just plain forms. Yeah, so is a grenade. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 211. I am attractive just as I am. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. What do I do for a living? I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 104. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 122. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 45. I always find something funny in every situation. 128. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. "Today will be a great day". If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Lily Tomlin, 242. Why was six scared of seven? 146. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. The thing is, I am still getting ready. 150. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I make a difference by showing up fully. 102. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Live life to the fullest. 119. 189. Run. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Not everyone has good taste. 14. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 32. 7. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Laughter brings me closer to people. Im gonna be worse., 12. 222. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 73. 109. 43. 270. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. - Unkmown. 215. 24. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 212. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Exercise? 66. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 21. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Franklin Jones, 259. 2. Roy Lichtenstein. 104. 26. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Words have the power to make or break us. Albert King. Ensure that your actions match your words. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 276. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 27. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Have a look! 8. I thought you said extra fries. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. - Irish Saying. 220. 120. 110. 68. Life begins on Friday night. 46. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. You were too lazy to read that number. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. I know the best time to make fun. To thrive in life you need three bones. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 1. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 233. 100. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Its scary when it disappears. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. 127. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 202. 149. 64. 7. 228. Bill Murray I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Never take life seriously. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 28. Stuart Turner Education cost money. 33. Oh sheet!. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Henny Youngman 60. 254. 114. 177. They log in. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 1. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Because they make up everything. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 18. Why cant you trust an atom? I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Nobody gets out alive anyway. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 135. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Theres no stopping me now. 154. I tried, but they wanted cash. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Funny Daily Affirmations. "I receive what I believe.". Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. And a funny bone. 240. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Decomposing. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. All rights reserved. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 16. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 147. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 125. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 227. 186. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Your words become your actions. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. 39. Charles M. Schulz 98. Be careful when you follow the masses. Groucho Marx. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Jackie Collins 114. 146. 97. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I understand success cant happen overnight. 1. 260. 21. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Hes dreaming too. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 118. Find a quiet place without distractions. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! A gummy bear. 4. I create my life on a quantum level. A mind is like a parachute. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 156. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 169. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. You wanna know who Im in love with? 138. I dont suffer from insanity. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 108. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Why is England the wettest country? For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Honolulu, its got everything. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. My mistakes dont define me. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Ive got three bones. Chris Rock I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 124. At night, I cant fall asleep. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Cindy from Marzahn. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 142. 131. 96. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I love living in my unique female body. Today is a great day. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 183. I am intelligent. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Hi! Your habits become your values. 30. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 216. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 63. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Lorrin L. Lee. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Alison Boulter. 2. 83. 148. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Read the first word again. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 160. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 59. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 37. Albert Einstein The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed.